The Perfect Partner = Myth !

As I sat and recollected my past relationships I was led to ask myself the question, is it possible to find ‘the perfect partner’ though? I spent some time considering and I came to the conclusion that there is no such thing. Forgive my negativity. I am still very young and I am sure I have much more to see in the world of relationships, however, young does not equal to senseless or blind! And I have certainly opened my eyes. The perfect partner which many of us are looking forward to finding or come upon at some point in our lives may never become a reality. I may be wrong but that is my belief. (And note, when I speak of the perfect partner, I am not referring to a perfect person, there is no such thing, I mean someone that is a ‘perfect match’ for you) My theory is that the perfect partner isn’t someone that you will find but someone you create. The perfect partner is someone who you imagine or convince yourself to be just that, in other words no one will truly be seen as perfect for you until you learn to make-do and ignore a lot!  

Consider...

There are too many forces working against you for anyone to be truly seen as your perfect love match so I suggest you stop looking forward to finding him/her and start working on making YOU the perfect partner. Consider my propositions.. There is jealousy, the distrust demon, baggage from previous relationships, friends/family pointing out all your partners faults(even when you don’t see a fault they find one and convince you of just that) and then there are the faults you will find…why…your human you cant help it, we’re paranoid we think the worst first. And when ‘in love’ our judgement is severely skewed. What am I saying you may ask? The success of your relationship depends upon you as much as it depends upon the other person. And please tolerance does not equate to ignoring the truth, certain actions call for the immediate ending of the relationship! 

..And the question comes; when do you draw a line between being naïve and being paranoid ? Sorry, cant answer this one, this would have to be up to you as it depends on the persons involved and the scenario. 

Truth is human beings make mistakes they’re not perfect, never were, never will be, so good luck in finding your perfect man/woman! *peak-sarcasm* A relationship is a partnership, it requires a lot of compromising and sacrifice. Its about being a part of a team. If you’re not a team player you should consider riding solo and not waste the time of persons who are serious about a true partnership. Its also about putting your ego and alter-ego aside. The ‘I am the boss of this relationship’ and the ‘my  way or the highway’ mentalities will kill a relationship fast. If compromising/tolerating means settling for less to you, (which you refuse to do) ..I have good news, feel free to visit the nearest pet shop where you may purchase ten cats, a bird and possibly a dog,because in the world of relationships you always have to settle for less than what you desire,only difference is how much less will you settle for.

In conclusion, like I stated earlier, there is no such thing as a perfect partner, stop looking! If you’re one who is serious about building a lifetime partnership like myself, you should note that you have a lot of work to do, beginning with improving your compromising, negotiation and tolerance skills, and too, your ability to forgive. Being with someone and truly enjoying the fruits of a good relationship will never come easy, like I stated before it involves sacrifice. Unless your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t have a mind of his/her own then they wont always do the things you would prefer and hence at some point you will be offended, annoyed or hurt, etc., And think, if every time your partner offends you, you end the relationship saying: ’oh he/she just wasn’t the right person for me,’ the same thing will happen time and time again…next thing you know you’ll be on your death bed wondering why you didn’t find Mr/Ms Right ..hahaha. Alas, if you cant keep up with all the requirements of maintaining a partnership, you don’t have to go the relationship way, theres always the option of staying alone.

Thanks for Reading, all the best !

Weave/Make-up - For Better or Worse ?

We live in an era where looks can literally be bought; plastic surgery, make-up, hair-extensions, etc. … every conceivable aspect of one’s body may be altered or enhanced to their liking whilst they can afford to do so. However the focus of this post will be hair-extensions and make-up since in Jamaica they are the most popular tools utilized by females to enhance the appearance. Am sure you can already tell the direction in which I am going. Now persons wear make-up and/or weave for varying reasons; some because they NEED it(or think they do), some because they favour it and others simply because they wish to stay abreast with the masses('follow fashion' lol I just had to say that !). Now I care zero about the reasons for which females wear make-up and/or weave, my concern lies in the way its done, and when I say concern I mean grave concern. I was inspired to write this post because I am just sick and tired of seeing of females with bad weave/make-up. Whatever happened to looking in the mirror? I’ll address each separately.

.::Hair-extensions::.

Now there are different types of weave, curly, long, short, straight, nappy, ETC., which may be divided into two major categories human-hair(weave made from actual human hair) and fake hair (made from plastic fibre). Human-hair is better as it blends in with ones own hair more evenly due to similarity in texture and also it lasts longer, meaning, it wont get worn out easily, but off course it's also relatively costly. Plastic fibre weave is less expensive but doesn’t last very long and for the most part doesn’t look as good as human hair, however there are a few females who happen to pull it off. Now ladies whether its real or fake, point is you bought it, its yours! That’s not what am here to argue. Real or fake, ensure it works! Its POINTLESS and a bit pathetic to add something to your body that makes you look worse.

• Ensure it matches your hair colour or get your hair coloured to blend with it.
• Visit a professional or someone fairly skilled to get it done.
• Ensure your hair will suffice to adequately cover the tracks, having tracks visible is NOT a good look.
• And please if it looks too fake don’t bother, stay at home until u can afford some good human-hair.
• Just because you saw Beyonce or Rihanna wearing a particular style, doesn't mean it will work for you. Stick to styles that compliment your face, every style wont work for everyone.
• Oh and by the way, its always better to leave wigs to old ladies, very few have and can rock a wig well.

.::Make-up::.

Oh help me Jesus.. Where do I start ? Make-up, make-up, make-up, females tend to abuse it and CLEARLY miss what it was intended for, ladies it was made to make you look better not worse.

• I strongly advise that you do not apply make up on your own if you are not skilled in its application. 
• Please no need to wear eye-shadow to match every outfit. It makes you look like a clown. 
• If your dark-skinned please take caution with which colours you use, if not you may end up looking like an African warrior(ever seen Africans ready for war with bright colours marked on the face,yes,like that). 
• Light-skinned ladies u did not escape my wrath, please, the idea is to enhance the face not cartoonise it. 
• And off course we all can't afford Mac but cheap make-up especially cheap eye-shadow tends to look bad even if applied properly, hence its better to go without if you cant afford make-up of good quality.

In conclusion ladies, make-up/weave was made to work for you. Use it to your advantage not to your detriment! And if this doesn’t apply to you and you happen to have a friend to whom it does, be a friend and advise them(stop lying and telling her she looks gorgeous when theres evidently a problem). Why pay to look bad, waste of time much don’t you think? If you choose to go the make-up/weave way, do it well, or leave it to those who can.

Thanks for Reading. All the best !

THE HATER CARD

Let’s get straight to the point, no introduction necessary. Now we all like to rant and go on about our ‘haters’, “Hi hater, I see you,” “Pssh, whatever their just hating on me,” “don’t hate, congratulate.” Now this gives rise to two important questions, who is a hater and what qualifies him or her to be termed as such. Now I have the answer to these questions and more. Based on the context I have seen the term being used I would like to assume that a hater is; one who isn’t a supporter, one who isn’t fond of you, one who isn’t a ‘friend’, one who does not approve of your actions, or a hater may very well be someone who is simply minding their own business quite unconscious of your existence. Now it really does grind my gears to hear people speaking of haters, I annoy myself when I do so, but it’s so easy to throw the hater card. Anyways, my intention here is to highlight the fact that haters are for the most part fragments of your imagination, (the majority if not all the persons you label as haters don’t even know you, and while they may be aware that you exist they probably care not whether you live or die) and also to advise you as to when the hater card is relevant to throw.

Firstly, I hate to burst your bubble but just because one does not like you doesn’t mean they’re a hater. We all have our likes and dislikes and hence one should be at liberty to not be fond of you without being deemed a hater. Question, do you like everyone? …is that a no, well that’s what I thought, does that make you a hater? ...is that a no, yes I’ve guessed right again. My point ladies and gentlemen, you really aren’t that awesome, everyone won’t like you, doesn’t make them a hater though. Jesus Christ was said to be the only perfect man to walk the Earth, not everyone liked him however, so how dare you? Note to self and others: Get over yourself please. And really if we think so highly of ourselves ‘haters’ should be the LEAST of our problems and hence shouldn't even be spoken of.

Secondly, I must say that the term ‘hater’ is not null and void. There are persons who make it their sole duty and purpose to oppose others in every way possible, now that’s what you call a hater, in other words people who ‘fight gents.’ For example, one who takes every opportunity to bash you or spread rumours or otherwise attempt to make your life simulated hell. Matter of fact such persons aren’t only haters but also sick people, such persons require, NEED and deserve utmost sympathy and I encourage you to pray for them.

In conclusion, the term hater which is so widely used is actually a very limited term. Spend more time exalting your known supporters and well-wishers instead of ranting about haters who more than likely aren’t haters at all, waste of time much don’t you think.

Thanks for reading, all the best !

Am I who I am or who 'they' say I am ?

  Gone are the days when women and their persona should be stifled. It is the year 2011 of the 21st century. Now I wish not to be biased but there is no doubt that the life of a female is beyond hard, sometimes I look at myself and think, how do you do it ? I need not list some common struggles that all women have to endure. Our biological make-up is already to our detriment and then there is society and culture. A female's very existence is restricted and curbed  by the guidelines dictated by norms, a lady should speak this way, a lady should dress this way, a lady should walk this way and the list goes on, and if you don't act the way a 'lady' should you are labelled, scank, hoe/whore, slut , sketel and which ever other term they see as fitting for the deviant act.. Oh and how could i forget the creme of the crop of derogatory terms for females: BITCH ! And hence in society some women tend to try their utmost best live up to these expectations or simply pretend to, unless they're rebels like me, who lives for ME and ME ONLY. The problem is though ladies while some of you try your best to fit the criteria of being a 'lady' you end up losing yourself. The reality is that we are all not the 'Mary mother of Jesus type' .. so stop trying so hard to fool yourselves and others.. lol I call it stifling the 'bitch' in you. The way I see it if I pretend to be something I am not in an effort to be a 'lady,' it is not me who is accepted but what I pretend to be, I just can not live like that, I love the truth and hence I refuse to live a lie. 

  Stick a pin though, *sticks several pins* ...lets point fingers back at those who point fingers at us. Firstly, you have the men who have their ideas of what a 'lady' or 'true woman' should be and anyone outside of that is labelled a bitch. (Note to such men: go eff yourselves!) Secondly, and most importantly you have us, yes us, we are our greatest critics. Women love to point fingers at other women, "watch e dutty gyal nuh, tek har  fren man," "Bun mi fi da bitch deh yuh si, a she deh wid Cheryl husband" (better believe that the person saying this may have a friend or relative who is dating or has dated a married man), "Why is she dressed like a slut" Comments such as these are commonplace. My point ladies is that we are very much guilty of causing other females to hide their true selves as they fear criticism and ostracism. I too am guilty of this. Yes we all have our standards BUT it should NEVER be the case that when someone does not match up to these standards they are automatically [insert various derogatory terms here]. Reality check, none of us are perfect. To conclude this post, here are a few notes to take, and ofcourse each note won't apply to every and anyone, so, to whom it may concern.

• Embrace who you truly are, the more we stand up for who we are and what we believe in is the more society will be forced to tolerate it.
• Stop taking the speck from your nieghbours eye when there is a log in yours.
• If a man can't accept you for who you are, tell him, "No vacancy for assholes."
• Note Well: when it comes to your employer strive to please them, unless you desire to be job-less, which I strongly doubt unless your sleeping with a man who is willing to and can foot your bills. If keeping the job means being 'lady' then be a damn lady (whatever being a lady in that particular context is).

...And most importantly be you but do so responsibly. If your actions are against the laws of the land or to the detriment of others then obviously its time for a change.

  All the best.See you next time ^.^ !